Countries' mottos need a makeover
Every great country has a motto, like the United
States ("Now with 40% more swing states!").
I am joking. Our motto, of course, is "In
God we trust," which our forefathers clearly came up with back
before we started putting so much stock in our automatic weapons.
As hard as it is to believe, Great Britain has
never had a motto. Recently, Prime Minister Gordon Brown (personal
motto: "I am 'Anyone but Tony Blair'") has challenged
his citizens to create a five-word slogan which represents the British
in the way a great people who invented blood pudding and haggis
deserve.
Top vote-getters in a London Times poll were:
"Once mighty empire, slightly used," "Try writing
history without us," and the winner, "No mottos, please,
we're British." A few of my other favorites: "Full service
will soon resume," "Mind your own bloody business,"
and "Drinking continues till morale improves."
Ah, the British. It must be hard to live in a
place which was once acknowledged by the world to be its preeminent
power, knowing that its glory days are behind it, watching other,
hungrier countries taking its former place as #1.
Hey, wait a minute.
Many countries create mottos in Latin, which they
probably think makes them sound more lofty. Brazil's motto, for
example, is "Ordem e progresso" ("We'll have the
soup!").
Some countries' mottos work best in their native
language, as with Wales: " Y ddraig goch ddyry cychwyn"
("I'm choking. Little help!").
Or in Turkey: "Egemenlik kayitsiz sartsiz
milletindir" ("Tofurkey is from Satan!").
Some countries' mottos even work best in a language
completely unrelated to their own, like Uganda's: "Mi ganda
es Uganda."
A surprising number of countries have no official
motto, which I think is a mistake. A motto sets you apart, announces
who you are, and also allows you to fill up those pesky border areas
on your currency.
Some countries try to get by just using some generic
slogan like "Fellowship, justice and freedom" or "Free
refill Fridays."Somebody should give these countries some creative
counsel, so for their betterment, I have come up with my own motto
suggestions, and I submit them here for your approval:
Morocco: "Because 'Less-occo' just sounded
kind of negative."
Paraguay: "When you just don't have enough
room for the whole guay."
Jamaica: "Jamaica me crazy? No, we hadn't
heard that one before. That's hilarious!"
Guyana: "Where dudes go for memorabilia."
Antigua and Barbuda: "We can't find us on
a map either."
Oman: "We're what you say when you dent your
dad's car."
Poland: "Birthplace of Edgar Allan Poe."
Qatar: "We're what you learn to play after
you master the qiano."
Mali: "Like Bali, but without the babes."
South Africa: "It's not just for Whitey any
more."
Togo: "Would you like to try that on our
new cheesy Parmesan bread?"
Mauritania: "We sank off of our own coast
years ago."
Seychelles: "Actually, we don't sell squat
by the seashore."
Hey, I am only trying to help these folks stand
out from the crowd. In today's world, you need a hook. I mean, who
had ever heard of the island of Mauritius before my motto, "Fishes
nutritious. Delicious! Mauritius"?
Now take Botswana. Botswana could really use my
help. Its actual motto is "Pula" ("Rain"). Yes,
"Rain." Truthful, yes. Sexy, no. I say we drop the weather
forecast and go saucy. Saucy sells. How about this:
"Birds wanna. Bees wanna. Botswana. Don't
you?"
Come to think of it, maybe Great Britain is fine
the way it is.
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Contact George at:
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